


Kiss me when I need kissing

by Melie



Category: Trigun
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Complete, Introspection, M/M, Nicholas/Milly possibly implied if you want to see it that way but it works as a friendship too, POV Third Person, Relationship(s), Sad, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 15:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11717058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melie/pseuds/Melie
Summary: Spoilers up to episode 23 (haven't seen the rest yet, need to recover first).The relationship between Vash and Nicholas, as seen by the latter.He figures out quickly that they will get closer than expected. Everything that follows is unavoidable, and he doesn't have time for regrets. But he wishes he did.





	Kiss me when I need kissing

**Author's Note:**

> Basically: "Mélie just watched Episode 23 and she can't deal with it so she finally writes the fic she's been wanting to write for 3 episodes but now it's sad."

It was bound to start that way. Nicholas figures it out pretty early on. Vash is fun, and they're comfortable around each other, even though they keep their demons to themselves.

It's pretty simple, really. One night they're sleeping under the moons because there is no other way, with the girls wrapped in tight a little bit further. They talk for a bit and then there's silence. So they turn to each other, hands slide under clothes, they kiss. Nicholas had expected scars, but not so many. He doesn't comment on it, though, just like Vash doesn't comment on his. They're fractions of secrets that they learn in the dark, only to rediscover them a day later in a hotel room.

By day, nothing's changed. The girls have no idea. It helps that they're simply not looking for it.

By night, though, it's just the two of them, Nicholas and Vash. Secrets and demons are kept in a corner of small rooms, but it doesn't mean that they're not serious. Just cautious. They still talk. They even talk feelings, and he discovers that Vash can be quite philosophical when he wants to. He knows that body by heart, now, in each of its stitches and metal plates and rough edges. Every now and then, a new scar is added. That is probably when Nicholas starts really hating that whole ethos thing, although he doesn't figure that out until later.

They end up parting ways. He could have predicted that, too. It's not a real separation. They just have different paths to follow – that Nicholas' is just a detour that follows Vash's is irrelevant.

 

* * *

 

Augusta happens and he watches in the distance.

 

* * *

 

When he doesn't find Vash in the rubbles – not that he expected to – he starts looking elsewhere, and finally makes his way to Kasted City.

If he hadn't recognised his target as soon as he'd entered the saloon, seeing “Erics” naked would have done it. There are more scars, again. He takes his time to discover them later, after they leave the city. He doesn't have any new ones to show on his own body. But then, he's not Vash.

He accepts the detour for New Oregon because it won't compromise the mission, as long as they make it to Keybas after. That's what he tells himself.

But deep down, Nicholas knows. He knows it's already too late. He knows he's actually stalling, and also that it's completely pointless.

As they travel to New Oregon, it's the first time they're truly by themselves. They make the most of it. Banter. Sex. Alcohol. Things are going to get rough again, and soon, so they enjoy their relative freedom while they can.

Things do get rough. People die. Sure, Nicholas knew it was going to happen, just as he knew what kind of ride he was jumping on when he started his hunt for Vash. It doesn't make it any easier. It's Vash's reaction that gets him, though.

They have that night in the cave. Just as for their first, the girls, newly reunited with them, are sleeping nearby. Nicholas thinks they'll spend it talking, at first, or maybe just sit silently side by side. He doesn't mind those kind of nights. Except that Vash turns to him, and their embrace feels a bit heavy and sad, but it's also a relief in a way. Especially since Nicholas knows that they don't have much time left.

No, not much time now.

They break up in Keybas. They don't even need to say it out loud. In fact, Nicholas knows, when he pulls the trigger, that this is the end. But it's either that, or losing Vash alltogether.

He doesn't even try to tell himself that he's doing it for the mission. Not anymore.

He knows that he'd rather have his heart shattered than see his lover dead.

 

* * *

 

The aftermath is still rougher than he thought it'd be. The silence is partially his fault, and he's the one who keeps walking, but it hurts nonetheless.

And what hurts more is seeing Vash take the blame.

“Hit me when I need hitting.”

_Kiss me when I need kissing._

It's too late for both, now.

 

* * *

 

He spends his last night with Milly, holding on to that friend he never thought he could have. There's another regret. But he knows he doesn't have time for those. Even though he nearly wishes he did.

Seeing Vash outside makes him want to cry. Only a few hours now, at most. Only a few moments with him. And they'll spend most of them fighting each other. Or so he thinks.

Turns out he's not even able to do that.

He asks for a name as a parting gif. He's not really sure why. Perhaps to have something on his lips as he dies. But Vash refuses. It breaks his heart, again, but Nicholas carries on. It's too late now. He'll take whatever last words he can get.

Turns out he gets a little bit more than he thought. But he doesn't want to linger, lingering would be too painful, regrets would submerge him again. Plus, it wouldn't be fair on Vash. Give the guy a break.

So he leaves without the embrace his soul is aching for.

 

* * *

 

He doesn't want to die, but he's dying anyway.

In the last seconds, he feels Vash's arms wrapping around him. Maybe it's how his body's decided to process the pain. But then Vash's head is nuzzling his neck, and Nicholas knows he's getting his wish.

He does not die alone.

 


End file.
